Tag Archives: complaint

How (not) to go to the sauna

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This looks great, doesn’t it?

It is Malmö’s kallbadhuset, a sauna-and-bath complex which is located at the end of a 200m-long pier. I’ve been a die-hard sauna fan ever since I discovered 3 years ago that what they call “sauna” in a 3-star family skiing resort (read: cramp 8 people wearing bathing suits in a 6-person sauna cabin) doesn’t even remotely resemble a true sauna experience : a whole day of naked bathing, sleeping, sauna’ing, relaxing, more sleeping, more sauna, and more relaxing. Yes, my dear blogging-friends, when I go to the sauna, I go to the sauna. And while Kallbadhuset is probably too small to be spending a whole day in, I still felt I needed to try it out. I had suggested it to T when she was here, but she inexplicably didn’t feel like it, but fortunately NR did when she was here last week. Opening hours were 12-22 according to the website, which left us some time for Christmas shopping.

And then we ran into RS. Well, we didn’t so much run into him as arranged to meet him, but anyway. Hey, if a cute Spanish guy texts to ask if you wanna go for lunch, what’s a girl supposed to do? (and yes, I realize I’m in a committed relationship. but I can enjoy what I see, right? but NR isn’t.) So we took him Christmas shopping, and we went for lunch, and for a drink, and by the time he left us where we were it was almost 5 o’clock. Not exactly what we’d anticipated – sure, the sauna was still open, but we wouldn’t be able to enjoy the great view of the sea which was really one of the main reasons why we wanted to go to this particular sauna. But it was bloody cold and since we’d been looking forward to it all day (and the day before), we decided to go anyway. Entrance was 60 SEK (around $8) so it would still be worth it.

Now, I didn’t take a map with me – or rather, I did, but as it turned out, the sauna wasn’t on it. Thank God for my photographic memory so I still remembered what Google Maps had said the night before. So let’s take a look at what trip we were supposed to do from the station:

Now let’s take a look at the tour we actually did:

It was -3ºC (26F) and we were walking on a small peninsula. I swear, if I had had balls, they would’ve been blown off even before they could freeze.

These are the times I’m happy I’m a woman. You don’t have to be embarrassed to ask for directions.

The friendly bartender at the only café we were able to locate suggested he’d call us a cab, but armed with his beautifully drawn map we were pretty sure we could make it. And sure enough, half an hour and a sprained ankle later (did I mention that whole peninsula was a huge, unlit construction site?), we found it. Extending from the snowy coast, over the floe-covered sea (I mean ice. on the sea. Google Translate says it’s floe. Google Images says it’s floe. I always thought /floe/ was an infectious disease, but who am I to argue with Google?), was the pier leading to eternal heat and happiness. Or at least some hours of it.

It was closed.

No joke.

You don’t wanna hear the sauna is closed if you’ve just walked over an hour in the windy cold craving for warmth. But some things are what they are, and the sauna was closed. The fact that I wrote an e-mail of complaint right after we got home illustrates how very pissed I was – I will usually rather eat a cold, dry steak than even think of complaining about it.

And look what I got:

Hello

We apologize for the mistake with poorly update website.

We would like you visit Bjerred Saltsjöbad again but without paying for a sauna and bath.

I would need a postal adress to you and how many people were thought to bath so I can send gift card for bath and sauna.

Thanks for your email.

Free sauna!

Somehow, this made it all worth it.

(turns out… there are 2 websites… we looked at the wrong one…)

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Open letter to the former tenant

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Dear mr. Alvaro Gutierrez,

We have never met, but allow me to introduce myself: I am the person who is currently renting the apartment which you lived in last year. I am taking the liberty of writing you because I feel there is one or two things about keeping an apartment clean you might have misunderstood.

Take the dishes. I know that, as the perfect cook that you are, you only ever get the inside of the pots and pans dirty, but sometimes -just sometimes, against your will- it so happens that a drop or two of whatever is INside escape and run down along the OUTside, or some sizzling oil in the one pan sizzles its way onto the pot next to it. This is why it is custom to wash pots and pans inside AND out. While I am aware you are somewhat above that, I still suggest you would try to adopt this habit, since not only are clean pots and pans more aesthetically pleasing, they will also save you from many a food poisoning. And while we are on the subject of the kitchen, may I also suggest you consider to clean the area around the cooking plates? I realize the many yellow spots might have been mistaken for a pretty wallpaper pattern but really… it was grease. (I do agree with you an apartment painted all in white is pretty depressing, however, a wall covered in greasy yellow spots does not do much to undo that. More on the contrary, even… .)

I know you were also wondering about the bathroom – was there really so little light coming through that window? Wasn’t the shower hose white when you moved in? And most importantly – how come the joints between the tiles in the shower turned black over time? The answers to these questions are no, yes, and mold.
It is a bit crazy to install a shower next to a window, I agree, since it results in regular exposure of the inner window to drying drops. Think rain and outside windows but more frequently – they get dirty (but oh… I guess this is new for you too?). My traditional cleaning product couldn’t quite handle the lime deposit on the window, but it was easily enough removed with pure white vinegar – you’d be delighted at how much brighter the bathroom is now! On the hose – I’d have thought the stickiness would’ve been enough indication that a sponge was needed, but I can forgive you for not noticing: after all, I too have a hard time to keeping my eyes open during my morning shower. And admittedly, wet joints do look darker, which may be why you missed the mold slowly taking over. But no worries, they have these special products these days and it barely took me 2 hours to get the whole shower clean.

So while I understand you not washing the windows, the dishes, the toilet, the shower and everything else, and I wholeheartedly forgive you for these honest mistakes, there is one thing I do not grasp. Is this really snot that you wiped off on the bottom of the chairs?

Yours sincerely,
Lies

Seriously?