Open letter to the former tenant

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Dear mr. Alvaro Gutierrez,

We have never met, but allow me to introduce myself: I am the person who is currently renting the apartment which you lived in last year. I am taking the liberty of writing you because I feel there is one or two things about keeping an apartment clean you might have misunderstood.

Take the dishes. I know that, as the perfect cook that you are, you only ever get the inside of the pots and pans dirty, but sometimes -just sometimes, against your will- it so happens that a drop or two of whatever is INside escape and run down along the OUTside, or some sizzling oil in the one pan sizzles its way onto the pot next to it. This is why it is custom to wash pots and pans inside AND out. While I am aware you are somewhat above that, I still suggest you would try to adopt this habit, since not only are clean pots and pans more aesthetically pleasing, they will also save you from many a food poisoning. And while we are on the subject of the kitchen, may I also suggest you consider to clean the area around the cooking plates? I realize the many yellow spots might have been mistaken for a pretty wallpaper pattern but really… it was grease. (I do agree with you an apartment painted all in white is pretty depressing, however, a wall covered in greasy yellow spots does not do much to undo that. More on the contrary, even… .)

I know you were also wondering about the bathroom – was there really so little light coming through that window? Wasn’t the shower hose white when you moved in? And most importantly – how come the joints between the tiles in the shower turned black over time? The answers to these questions are no, yes, and mold.
It is a bit crazy to install a shower next to a window, I agree, since it results in regular exposure of the inner window to drying drops. Think rain and outside windows but more frequently – they get dirty (but oh… I guess this is new for you too?). My traditional cleaning product couldn’t quite handle the lime deposit on the window, but it was easily enough removed with pure white vinegar – you’d be delighted at how much brighter the bathroom is now! On the hose – I’d have thought the stickiness would’ve been enough indication that a sponge was needed, but I can forgive you for not noticing: after all, I too have a hard time to keeping my eyes open during my morning shower. And admittedly, wet joints do look darker, which may be why you missed the mold slowly taking over. But no worries, they have these special products these days and it barely took me 2 hours to get the whole shower clean.

So while I understand you not washing the windows, the dishes, the toilet, the shower and everything else, and I wholeheartedly forgive you for these honest mistakes, there is one thing I do not grasp. Is this really snot that you wiped off on the bottom of the chairs?

Yours sincerely,
Lies

Seriously?

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